Volbeat – "God of Angels Trust"
12-09-2025
Album reviews
The Haunted – "Songs of Last Resort"
04-09-2025
"Unless you're a complete fucking poser who wouldn't know real metal if it gave you lead poisoning..."
"No matter what music you've heard so far, you've not heard anything like this"
"Dammit, Jonas. Go get a guitar, three chords, and a depression."
Behemoth – "The Shit ov God"
14-08-2025
Yes, he totally went there. Heh-heh, "went".
Hate – "Bellum Regiis"
08-08-2025
Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Heavy is the sound that bangs the head.
Ghost – "Skeleta"
16-07-2025
Half album review, half essay about those four chords that made a million
Machine Head – "Unatøned"
10-07-2025
Want some more cream and sugar in your metal, Mr. Flynn?
Arch Enemy – "Blood Dynasty"
27-06-2025
During the review of which, we discuss the phenomenon of opportune catchiness level
During the review of which, I coin the term "goblin rap"
Lordi – "Limited Deadition"
03-06-2025
Fans of hard rock and horror puns, unite!
Warbringer – "Wrath And Ruin"
28-05-2025
"Nothing left to say – swing the hammer away!"
Raging Speedhorn – "Night Wolf"
22-05-2025
Anyone up for a boogie with Satan?
Destruction – "Birth of Malice"
17-05-2025
In fact, why don't we ever talk about that 5th album...?
Avantasia – "Here Be Dragons"
05-05-2025
"Nonsense! There hasn't been a dragon in these parts for a thousand years"
Brainstorm – "Plague of Rats"
21-04-2025
... But their name makes me think of college group assignments
Thundermother – "Dirty & Divine"
11-04-2025
An open letter to the world's biggest hope for hard rock music
Dream Theater – "Parasomnia"
04-04-2025
Seriously, Nicholas, open your eyes already
Night Flight Orchestra – "Give Us The Moon"
20-03-2025
Album of the year, and it's not even metal
Pentagram – "Lightning In a Bottle"
11-03-2025
Does it still count as the same band, though...?
The Hellacopters – "Overdriver"
24-02-2025
"It's called writing a goddamn song"
Grave Digger – "Bone Collector"
10-02-2025
"Hallo, I am ze bone kollektoar; I haf komm to inspäkt your ekvipmänt, jaah?"
Opeth – "The Last Will and Testament"
16-01-2025
So... am I supposed to remember any of this?
Devin Townsend – "PowerNerd"
19-12-2024
Most accurate album title since "British Steel"
An injured predator, and so fucking fierce
Jerry Cantrell – "I Want Blood"
29-11-2024
And I'd be happy to give you some of mine, Jerry
The Crown – "Crown of Thorns"
21-11-2024
This is pretty much organized auditive violence
D-A-D – "Speed Of Darkness"
14-11-2024
[Insert Flogging Molly joke here]
HammerFall – "Avenge the Fallen"
30-10-2024
No, it's not fucking power metal, and neither is Manowar.
Orden Ogan – "The Order of Fear"
25-10-2024