Gloryhammer – "Return to the Kingdom of Fife"

Marking 10 years of epic silliness

As I've mentioned elsewhere, and as their fans are well aware of, Gloryhammer have long parted ways with vocalist Thomas Winkler, the role of Angus McFife now being played by Cyprus-born Sozos Michael. And as I also said then, it doesn't matter a whole lot to me. Because my energy is better spent elsewhere than in following another more or less daftly self-aware power metal fantasy concept.

But of course, that doesn't mean that any of Gloryhammer's albums still don't rock the Hell out in all their deliberate, ludicrous grandeur. And that includes this one.

The thing here is, if you already know Gloryhammer, you'll pretty much know what you're getting. We're talking epic power metal by every trick of the trade, composed from different angles of the genre, but with the decisive element of narrative throughout. – A narrative that's as head-against-the-wall silly as it's irresistibly lovable.

And this quality is reflected in the music. Super fast opener "Holy Flaming Hammer of Unholy Cosmic Frost", with all its harpsichord emulator keys and nonsensical lyrics about unicorns and ancient castles and shit, sounds exactly as hard-rockingly goofy as it is. Nobody could possibly take it seriously, but that's not the point, either.

As for aforementioned narrative, I think it's about the land of Dundee being taken over by the evil Lord Zargothrax – played by keyboardist and forming member Christopher Bowes who narrates the role with a distinct Bal-Sagoth-like pathos. So now, there are evil goblins and robots everywhere. And then, Angus McFife returns to eradicate them all with the help of The Hootsman (bassist James Cartwright). But then, Zargothrax obtains a powerful laser gun and makes a nuclear clone of himself. And also a bunch of other shit. Again: It's all too silly for me to bother properly diving into it.

So all that aside, the music, like I mentioned, is basically power metal, but in different modalities. Apart from the more classical, Rhapsody (of Fire)-inspired stuff, there's a potential new hit in the bombastic, Sabaton-esque "Sword Lord of the Goblin Horde", which might have been a more serious track if it weren't for those intentionally wacky lyrics. And on the even more serious end of the scale is the slow, minor-key shuffle "Brothers of Crail", epic in every sense of the word with its huge choir and a guitar solo that's actually graceful rather than masturbatory, as they do tend to be in this subgenre.

If you can't find it in yourself to appreciate the fact that power metal has become self-aware of its own cheesy elements, you just plain suck.

And on the opposite end of the spectrum, there are clear Dragonforce references in "Vorpal Laserblaster of Pittenweem". And there's the album's absolute most kickass song, uptempo 1-2-fist-pumper "Wasteland Warrior Hoots Patrol", its verse being relatively heavy, and its shameless Mortal Kombat-like keyboard theme giving it a highly notable high-intensity cardio workout kinda quality.

I know I've used the word 'silly' a coupla times already, but if all this sounds utterly silly, it's because it is. Musically as well as lyrically and thematically. So much so that somewhere midway on side 2, my interest and engagement start to wane a bit. However, I cannot possibly give a lower rating than 4 out of 6. Sure, power metal is at its best when it's meant to be taken seriously, and executed as such – like on those first two Avantasia albums. But if you can't find it in yourself to appreciate the fact that power metal has become self-aware of its own cheesy elements, you just plain suck.

I'll just conclude by letting this snippet of lyrical brilliance prove my point:

"Goblins! Agents of doom!
Masters of evil that come from the moon
Robots! Servants of steel!
Their lasers so real you shall feel
Wizard! Frozen in tomb!
His nuclear clone made Dundee go kaboom"

Rating: 4 out of 6

Genre: Power metal
Release date: 2/6/2023
Label: Napalm Records
Producer: Lasse Lammert